A Singing Contest - Marauders style
by Quibblette
Summary: Hogwarts has a singing contest. It's actually quite funny. I'm pretty sure it's been done before even though I've never read one.
1. Chained To You

It was the first ever Hogwarts singing contest and all 4-7 years were there. The Great Hall, which was usually filled with five tables - four for the houses and a fifth for the teachers, was now fully transformed into and auditorium. Rows upon rows of velvety, red chairs lined the area of the hall that wasn't covered by the oaken stage Dumbledore had magicked up.  
  
"Welcome, students, to our first ever Hogwarts singing contest. The rules are as follow:  
  
1. You may enter as often as you like but no-one can use the same song twice.  
  
2. You cannot sing a song which has already been sung.  
  
3. No inappropriate songs please :: *cough*Slytherins*cough* ::  
  
4. Cursing, hexing, distracting other contestants while they are singing. (you can do what you like with them after they finish)  
  
Now to start it all of we have The Marauders from Gryffindor singing Chained To You."  
  
The boys walked onto the stage and wolf whistles could be heard coming from the female population of Hogwarts. This is why:  
  
James and Sirius were wearing muscle-showing, blue tank tops and tight, black tracksuit bottoms.  
  
(okay altogether girls :: happy sigh :: ) Remus was wearing a stylish navy jacket and black jeans, while Peter (who was very, very scared of public performances) was wearing a plain blue t-shirt and baggy black cargos - thank bloody god!.  
  
The cheers mainly came from the female population who had to calm down as the song began.  
  
JAMES:  
  
We were standing all alone you were leaning into speak to me,  
  
Acting like a mover shaker dancing to Madonna then you kissed me.  
  
"Er.. pardon my ignorance but who's Madonna?" Merloyn Jacques asked her best friends Lily Evans and Jenna McNamara.  
  
"A stupid, famous, muggle female singer who doesn't wear enough clothes"  
  
"Oh, er.. thanks."  
  
JAMES:  
  
And I think about it all the time.  
  
Sweet temptation rush all over me.  
  
And I think about it all the time,  
  
Passion and desire so intense I can't take anymore  
  
'Cause  
  
ALL:  
  
I feel the magic all around you,  
  
It's bringing me to my knees,  
  
Like a wannabe,  
  
I gottabe,  
  
Chained to you…  
  
REMUS:  
  
And when you looked into my eyes, felt a sudden sense of urgency,  
  
Fascination casts a spell and you became more than just a mystery,  
  
"Isn't he just sooo cute?"  
  
"I can't believe that you, Jenna I'm-the-hottest-girl-in-Hogwarts McNamara is falling head over heels for Remus I'm-too-shy Lupin!"  
  
"He's not that bad Merloyn,"  
  
And I think about it all the time,  
  
Is this fate is it my destiny?  
  
And I think about it all the time  
  
I no longer pretend I have my hand on the wheel  
  
'Cause  
  
ALL:  
  
I feel the magic all around you,  
  
It's bringing me to my knees,  
  
Like a wannabe,  
  
I gottabe,  
  
Chained to you.  
  
I feel the magic all around you,  
  
It's bringing me to my knees,  
  
Like a wannabe,  
  
I gottabe,  
  
Chained to you…  
  
1  
  
2  
  
3 "Stuff it, I'm doing that song I was planning to,"  
  
"You go girl!"  
  
"Yeah go Jenna, I'm sure Remus will love it,"  
  
"I'm not dedicating it to him,"  
  
"Then who?"  
  
"Well, it's to him but I'm not saying that. He probably doesn't like me."  
  
"Are you kidding? You're the hottest girl in Hogwarts!"  
  
"I think Luscius Look-at-me Malfoy is hot. Do I like him?"  
  
"Well, do you?"  
  
SIRIUS:  
  
……Tell me it's madness, I barely know you,  
  
We were standing all alone you were leaning n to speak to me.  
  
Ten steps back you're still a mystery,  
  
Acting like a mover shaker dancing to Madonna then you kissed me,  
  
I can't take anymore  
  
'Cause  
  
ALL:  
  
I feel the magic all around you,  
  
It's bringing me to my knees,  
  
Like a wannabe,  
  
I gottabe,  
  
Chained to you…  
  
I feel the magic building around you  
  
I feel the magic all around you,  
  
It's bringing me to my knees,  
  
Like a wannabe,  
  
I gottabe,  
  
Chained to you…  
  
JAMES:  
  
Tell me it's madness  
  
REMUS:  
  
I barely know you  
  
The hall was shaking from the cheers coming from the students. Lily, Merloyn and Jenna were on their feet clapping and cheering their brains out. Remus was blushing like crazy, Peter, who was so overwhelmed by the applause and was too busy trying to look cool, crashed into a pole, and James and Sirius walked down towards their seat like this sort of thing happened everyday.  
  
"That was great!" Jenna told the boys as they stopped to talk. Remus turned an even redder shade of red and just stood there gawking at the brunette.  
  
"Er…Moony, mate, snap out of it," James said to his friend.  
  
Sirius, the least patient of the four, just grabbed the poor guy and began shaking him.  
  
"Er..er…err…..What?" Remus said.  
  
"Mate, you were starring at that chick for like ages. Man, we all know you like her but maybe you shouldn't make such a fool of yourself," Sirius replied.  
  
"Well, we better sit down. She's about to do a solo," Peter said.  
  
"Should we be scared?" James asked Sirius.  
  
"Why would I know? Oh yeah I forgot, but I still don't know. She doesn't sing in the shower," the teenager replied.  
  
"You what!" Remus exclaimed (poor, innocent Remus)  
  
"Don't worry, she's all yours mate."  
  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Naughty, naughty Sirius. Well, I hoped you liked it. I'll try to make it a bit funnier. I'll post the next two up with this one as well.  
  
Give me a R!  
  
Give me an E!  
  
Give me a V!  
  
Give me an I!  
  
Give me another E!  
  
Give me a W!  
  
What does it spell!  
  
Small 5 year old walks up. "I don't know miss. I can't spell but can we have milk and biccies now?  
  
"Hell no! What sort of kid are you anyway that doesn't know how to spell? I was reading when I was four! Detention for a century!"  
  
Please R-E-V-I-E-W REVIEW!!! 


	2. What Can I Do

"Okay everyone, next we have Miss Jenna McNamara singing What Can I Do. The dedication reads "To a Gryffindor wolf."  
  
Jenna walked out (to the guys' delight) in a short, strapless red dress.  
  
JENNA:  
  
I haven't slept at all in days,  
  
It's been so long since we've really talked,  
  
And I have been here for so long  
  
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong  
  
1 "Mate, she can sing!"  
  
"Uh huh,"  
  
"And doesn't she look great in that dress!"  
  
"Uh huh,"  
  
"She's a fluffy pink rabbit wearing a raincoat,"  
  
"Uh huh,"  
  
"Moony snap out of it!"  
  
What can I do to make you love me,  
  
What can I do to make you care,  
  
What can I do to make you feel this,  
  
What can I do to get you there.  
  
2 "Moony and Jenna sitting in a tree.."  
  
3 "I wish,"  
  
"Oohhh..Moony's having naughty thoughts!"  
  
"I didn't mean it like that! Anyway, who are you to talk?"  
  
"Hey, I'm Sirius Black. I'm expected to have such thoughts. I live for them."  
  
There's only so much I can take,  
  
And I just got to let it go,  
  
And who knows I might feel better, yeah  
  
If I don't try and I don't hope  
  
  
  
What can I do to make you love me,  
  
What can I do to make you care,  
  
What can I do to make you feel this,  
  
What can I do to get you there.  
  
No more waiting, no more, aching…….  
  
No more fighting, no more, trying…..  
  
"Moony and Jenna sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes lo…"  
  
"Padfoot and Myrtle sitting on a sink, P-A-S-H-I-N-G…"  
  
"Hey, no fair Moony!  
  
"Then SHUT UP!"  
  
Maybe there's nothing more to say,  
  
And in a funny way I'm calm,  
  
Because the power is not mine,  
  
I'm just going to let it fly  
  
What can I do to make you love me,  
  
What can I do to make you care,  
  
What can I do to make you feel this,  
  
What can I do to get you there.  
  
What can I do to make you love me,  
  
What can I do to make you care,  
  
What can I do to make you feel this,  
  
What can I do to get you there.  
  
And love me…And love me…..  
  
"Well, I 'm gonna go get a drink guys," Peter yelled over the thunderous applause. "Do you guys want anything?"  
  
"No thanks,"  
  
"Me neither."  
  
"Moony?" Peter asked.  
  
"Oh, god," James said. "He's zoned out on us again!"  
  
"Well, he has every right to, look!" Sirius exclaimed pointing to an area along the walkway. There was Jenna, back in her normal robes and Luscius Malfoy. They weren't close enough to hear the heated conversation between the two, but Peter was standing right behind them.  
  
"So, who's the wolf you were talking about? By any chance me?" Malfoy said wrapping his arm around her.  
  
SLAP! His head rolled to the side.  
  
"If you forgot, I said Gryffindor, Malfoy," she sneered.  
  
"Well, all the guys in Gryffindor are wimps, why don't you come for a little partying in my dorm huh?" he replied this time running his hand up her leg.  
  
SMASH! Instantly Jenna's foot connected with the guy's bulging crotch and she smiled as he went down holding on to his prized possession.  
  
"Black belt Karate - muggle sports are good for something aren't they? I'd marry a mule before I slept with you Malfoy, and Remus is twice the man you'll ever be."  
  
With that she kicked him again and went over to sit with Lily and Merloyn as Peter ran over to the other Marauders.  
  
"You…won't…believe…what….just…happened!" he panted. "She's…black- belt….karate! …Likes someone….."  
  
"So who is it mate?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Don't know," he said after catching his breath. "But he's in Gryffindor and his name ends in 'us'. Something 'us'."  
  
"Okay then," James said. "I'm guessing he's in our year and there aren't that many guys in our year with a name sending in 'us'. We've got Sirius, Remus, and Seamus."  
  
"I know I promised you mate," Sirius said to Remus while getting up. "But if she meant Sirius I won't be in control of my actions. She's the hottest chick in town!"  
  
"That's okay Padfoot, you go on ahead," Remus replied smiling. "It's probably you."  
  
Merloyn, Lily and Jenna were having a similar conversation.  
  
"I can't believe you did that to Luscius Malfoy!"  
  
"Well, he's such a prat!"  
  
"But he's hot!"  
  
"Well, I like Remus so deal with it."  
  
"How come you said to a Gryffindor 'WOLF'"  
  
"Er..let's just say he has a little problem."  
  
"Yeah, James told me about it."  
  
"Tole you about what?!"  
  
"Hey, look. What's Sirius doing?"  
  
"Hello girls, Jenna, would that Gryffindor wolf be me by any chance."  
  
"God, you sound like Malfoy, Sirius. Remember, you're a dog. And I mean literally. Now, when you think about it - if that's even possible for you, who here is a Gryffindor 5th year wolf? Literally, not practically."  
  
"Holy shit! Moony's gonna be happy. Trust me Jenna, he loooovvvvveeeees you."  
  
And with that Sirius walked away chanting under his breath:  
  
"Moony and Jenna sitting in a tree,  
  
K-I-S-S-I-N-G,  
  
First comes love,  
  
Second comes marriage,  
  
Then comes ten thousand baby werewolves sitting in a carriage."  
  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Sorry, I just had to add romance into this. I'm hopeless at humour aren't I? Remus rules! Go Moony. Jumps on table and starts chanting Moony! Moony! Moony! Gets pushed of by Luscious Hey! Watch it buddy! I AM the author. If you do that one more time I'll give you cancer! Or turn you gay! Now how would you like THAT? Or maybe I'll do that anyway. Well, neways please REVIEW!  
  
I'm still thinking up a disclaimer poem for this one. 


	3. Don't Want You Back

"Remus mate! You know how she said Gryffindor wolf? Well, she meant literally!" Sirius said to his friend.  
  
"You're kidding! It's you're lucky day, Moony. Go on and tell her. C'mon." James nudged his friend in the ribs.  
  
"Yeah what he said!" Peter added.  
  
"Err.. nah guys. I think I'll just dream from afar," Remus replied and got up to get himself some punch.  
  
"Okay, Moony. You asked for it mate," Sirius said and with that grabbed the guy by the arm and dragged him towards the three girls.  
  
"Oohh Jenna….Here's your Romeo," James cooed as they neared the girls.  
  
"Err…Hi, Remus," Jenna said shyly. "You too Sirius, Peter and ermm…looks like James is a bit busy," she glanced over at Lily, wrapped up in the pre- mentioned boy's arms, both whispering sweet nothings to each other in between kissing.  
  
"So, what brings you here?" Merloyn said eyeing Sirius suspiciously.  
  
"Let me see, Moony here wants to tell you something Jenna, don't you mate?" Sirius replied.  
  
"Err.. no, I'll be fine Padfoot, really, I can dream from afar just.. Oh, Hi Jenna!" Remus said. "Look, we better sit down Narcissa's about to start. Err.. Should we be scared Padfoot?"  
  
"I only keep tabs on the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs. I don't try Ravenclaws sorry but considering it's Narcissa I give you one bit of advice and one bit only. RUN!! BLOCK YOUR EARS!! HIDE!! WE COULD ALL END UP DEAF BEFORE THE END OF THIS!" he yelled and then dashed off grabbing Merloyn's hand.  
  
"Our next contestant is Narcissa Richardson singing Don't Want You Back. This is dedicated to her boyfriend Luscius Malfoy," Dumbledore announced.  
  
Narcissa walked out wearing a short leather skirt and a black boob-tube. (Okay now fellas ::wolf whistle::)  
  
  
  
NARCISSA:  
  
Don't want you back  
  
You hit me faster than a speeding curse  
  
You saw my picture,  
  
On Teen's Witch Weekly, alright  
  
And you were more than just a handsome face,  
  
But how you fooled me, I'm still amazed, baby  
  
But I should have known that I would be,  
  
Another victim of your sexuality  
  
"Look who's talking,"  
  
"I personally don't mind the attire,"  
  
"Sirius!"  
  
"What? It's not like we're going out. We're only sitting together so Moony can be with Jenna,"  
  
"Still you have such perverted thoughts,"  
  
"You think they're perverted. Wait till you see my dreams,"  
  
But now we're done and over with,  
  
I don't want you back  
  
Don't want you back  
  
Cause you're no good to me, I know  
  
I saw you with her  
  
Don't want you back  
  
Tried to say it politely but you're an egotistic maniac  
  
I don't want you back  
  
"I wonder whether he's getting the extremely obvious message,"  
  
"I just hope it's not the final one for the week though, Remus. They just have to break up and get together two more times and the 20 galleons are mine!"  
  
"You have a pool on them?"  
  
"'Well,"  
  
"No, just wondering with James or Davies?"  
  
You started going out with so-called friends  
  
But I was blind and so I lost all common sense  
  
But there were things that made me realize  
  
Like all the hundred, no thousand lies  
  
"And probably the fact that he was pashing Urma Patil in the broom closet"  
  
Don't want you back  
  
Cause you're stupid and gay, I know  
  
I saw you with her  
  
Don't want you back  
  
Tried to say it politely but you gotta go  
  
I don't want you back  
  
"You wanna go to a more comfortable spot Lily?"  
  
"That'd be great,"  
  
"Any ideas then?"  
  
"How 'bout the broom closet on second floor?"  
  
"Actually, to come to think of it, I hear the prefect's bathroom's got a new couch,"  
  
"Then it'd be our duties as honest, Gryffindor prefects to break it in wouldn't it?"  
  
"Of course Lily, it's not like we'd ever take advantage of the fact that it's humungous and bouncy and in a totally deserted and sound-proof room. Perish the thought!"  
  
Slime ball, don't bother telling me your reasons why,  
  
Just let me sing this story 'bout you and I  
  
Don't want you back  
  
That's all I know  
  
Don't want you back  
  
All I wanna say  
  
Don't want you back  
  
So just get lost and leave me alone  
  
"I see she took the liberty to change the words,"  
  
"I think they describe him quite well too don't you?  
  
"Of course Remus, couldn't agree with you more."  
  
Don't want you back!  
  
Wolf whistles and claps rocked the hall as Narcissa grabbed the boy closest to him and pulled him into a kiss (tongue and all). Unfortunately for everyone else and fortunately for him, the boy was none other than Sirius Black. Another burst of applause thundered as Luscius tried to talk to his girlfriend and ended up on the ground yet again clutching his prized possession.  
  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Aw… poor Luscious. No not really. Wait. I'm trying to feel some pity for Luscious Malfoy. Getting there. Getting there. Nope sorry, can't do it. Well, Hop you like the story so far. Please R-E-V-I-E-W! If you do you can have your choice between non-existent figurine of shirtless Sirius or Malabo Narcissa. 


	4. Happy Family

"Next we would have had Luscius Malfoy, Severus Snape, David Flint, Laurence Crabbe and Lewis Goyle but considering the err… inconvenience, the leader of their group is going through at the moment we will know have the Hufflepuffs - they don't seem to want to be named singing Happy Family"  
  
"Oh, god please noooooo!" Peter shrieked and ran out of the room. When he was a small child he visited his muggle cousin and was forced to watch continuous re-runs of (you got it) Barney!  
  
A group of Hufflepuffs walked on stage. No one could tell who they were for they were all wearing dinosaur suits. One was wearing a purple one, another a pink and the third of the trio an orange.  
  
ALL:  
  
I Love you,  
  
You love me,  
  
We're a happy family  
  
"Nooo…save me! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!! Save me!"  
  
"Shut up Sirius the song's almost over"  
  
"SAVE ME!!"  
  
"Sirius! Where do you think you're going?"  
  
"Anywhere far enough away from the gay, singing dinosaurs!'  
  
THE PINK ONE:  
  
With a sister here  
  
An a mother there  
  
"God, Jenna. I don't think I can take this,"  
  
"Well, then think of something else,"  
  
"Like?"  
  
"This"  
  
(No, you sick minded people. They are like two of the shyest kids in Hogwarts. She just gave him a peck on the cheek. )  
  
THE ORANGE ONE:  
  
I love you  
  
You love me…  
  
We're a happy family  
  
"Oh Lily!  
  
"Oh, James. This is amazing"  
  
THE PURPLE ONE:  
  
With a father here  
  
And a brother th…..  
  
The dinosaurs had to leave the stage for a few people from the front had started jinxing chairs to chase them off. *cough*Jacques,Finnigan,Thomas*cough*  
  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Okay peoples. I'm leaving you to guess who's speaking. That should be pretty obvious and it'll always stay with the same couple each break. I'll try to get some action in sometime. Oh, and Shakira will be coming in around chappy 6 or 7. Sorry to do this to the Hufflepuffs but I had to. Really! The cookie monster made me do it! And Barney was blackmailing him! It's all Barney's fault HWAHAHA!  
  
Runs out in pompoms and tight cheer leader outfit.  
  
"5, 6, 7, 8  
  
What do I appreciate?  
  
R-E-V-I-E-W-S!!!" 


	5. Slytherins Rule - not!

"Okay everyone. Luscius Malfoy has finally recovered from his little err… incident and now will be performing a song with his friends *cough*cronies*cough* The song is called Slytherins Rule and the dedication is and I quote: I can get whoever I want cause I rule. Slytherins rule. So get over yourself."  
  
Out walked Luscius, David, Severus, Laurence and Lewis. All dressed in supposedly cool looking clothes. All were multicoloured with flowers and piece symbols.  
  
(Okay everyone. On the count of three point your fingers and laugh. One..two..three..HAHAHAHA!*cough*hippies*cough* HAHAHA!)  
  
LUSCIUS:  
  
Everybody  
  
Rock your body  
  
Everybody  
  
Rock your body right  
  
Slytherins rule that's right  
  
'IN YOUR DREAMS!"  
  
"I SECOND THAT"  
  
"SLYTHERINS SUCK!"  
  
"PLEASE STOP YELLING AND LET THEM CONTINUE WITH THEIR SONG *cough*theydosuck*cough*"  
  
"Yes, sorry Professor Dumbledore"  
  
SEVERUS:  
  
Oh Merlin, we're back again  
  
Purebloods, Death Eaters every body sing  
  
"Death Eater wannabes!"  
  
"You'll never be half the Death Eater I am!"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Err. . wasn't meant to say that. I'm not a Death Eater Sarah, really"  
  
DAVID:  
  
Gonna bring the curses  
  
Show you how  
  
Gotta question for you  
  
Better answer now  
  
LUSCIUS:  
  
Am I original?  
  
"As original as plagiarism!"  
  
DAVID:  
  
Yeah  
  
Am I the only one?  
  
"Then why the heck do you have four cronies behind you?"  
  
LAURENCE:  
  
Luscious, I don't think this is meant to happen and when do Lewis and I sing?  
  
LUSCIOUS:  
  
You don't. Just here to protect us err.. I mean for emotional support. Now here's one they can't say no to.  
  
Am Sexual?  
  
Everyone in Great Hall except from Slytherin girls:  
  
"HELL NO!!"  
  
LUSCIOUS:  
  
This wasn't meant to happen. You really hurt my feelings now. I QUIT!  
  
All five stormed of the stage sulking and turning their clothes back to normal. (Aw.. I was enjoying making them suffer. No fair! Oh, I forgot. I AM the author. GET BACK ON THE STAGE! No? NO? How dare you say no to me. Bring out the Fluffinator!)  
  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Now for my never ending blabbering. I hoped you liked it! I need songs peoples. SONGS! Especially for the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. I stuffed it up majorly, This is meant to come before the Shakira song so that's why the last bit might not make total sense. Well, what do you think of it so far? Good, bad, ugly? Hey, I can use that song! The good, the bad, and the ugly! Nanananananananalalallalala!  
  
Hey the never ending blabbering ended! 


	6. Whenever, Wherever

"Now, we will have Miss Sharon Rogers from Hufflepuff singing Whenever, Wherever. The dedication reads: This is to try to make up for what the idiots made you sit through. Thanks to those who chased them off - you know who you are."  
  
Sharon Rogers turned out to be exactly the opposite of what you would imagine a Hufflepuff would look like. She had curly, long, golden blonde hair, an extremely flattering and tall figure (Sirius! Get a mop and clean that drool of the floor!) and blue eyes. Her appearance alone - to the boys anyways - was enough to make up for the horrible gay, dancing dinosaurs if she'd just stand out there for a few minutes. Clothes? She wore a top that looked quite similar to a brown bra with a ripped, see-through, bottom up, flowery blouse and brown leather flares. She had no shoes and her nails were painted red.  
  
Cheers erupted from the boy's population as she started.  
  
SHARON:  
  
Lucky you were born that far away so,  
  
We could both make fun of distance,  
  
Lucky that I love a foreign land for,  
  
The lucky fact of your existence,  
  
Baby I would climb the Andes solely,  
  
To count the freckles on your body  
  
"All over my body?"  
  
"Sirius! How man times have I to tell you? Stop voicing your perverted thoughts!"  
  
"69"  
  
"SIRIUS!"  
  
Never could imagine there were only  
  
Ten million ways to love somebody  
  
"Actually Remus, I was doing the muggle 'How I love thee, let me count the ways' thing. There's ten million and two"  
  
"Aw, that's so sweet of you Jenna,"  
  
"But I as doing it for another guy"  
  
Le do le le le le, Le do le le le le  
  
Can't you see  
  
I'm at your feet  
  
"No, you're on stage - stupid these people"  
  
Whenever, Wherever  
  
We're meant to be together  
  
I'll be there and you'll be near  
  
And that's the deal my dear  
  
"I do NOT mind that deal at all. But it'll be even better if she threw in some snogging sessions as well, don't you think Merloyn?"  
  
"Sirius, I'm not a lesbian"  
  
"Well, how was I suppose to know?"  
  
Thereover, Hereunder  
  
You'll never have to wonder  
  
We can always play by ear  
  
"Maybe that has a double meaning. How do you think she'll like it if I went up and started licking her ear? Maybe I should test it on you."  
  
"…………………"  
  
But that's the deal my dear  
  
Lucky that my lips not only mumble  
  
They spill kisses like a fountain  
  
"Then the fountain's pretty dry"  
  
Lucky that my breasts are small and humble  
  
So you don't confuse them with mountains  
  
"Did she just say what I think she said?"  
  
"Yep. Now, I guess they do sorta look like mountains. I thought they look more like melons though"  
  
Lucky I have strong legs like my mother  
  
To run for cover when I need it  
  
1 "I have a funny feeling she uses them for more than that"  
  
"What did I do to deserve this?"  
  
"I don't know either. I mean, you'd at least think you'd have to do something good to have the company of a sex god like muoa"  
  
And these two eye for no other  
  
The day you leave will cry a river  
  
"Why don't you come running to Sirius instead?"  
  
"Sirius, how many times do I have to tell you? KEEP YOUR PERVERTED THOUGHTS TO YOURSELF!"  
  
"69"  
  
"SIRIUS!!"  
  
"Okay, okay just please put that chair down you're scaring me. NO, no, no not on my head. On the floor"  
  
Le do le le le le, Le do le le le le  
  
At your feet  
  
I'm at your feet  
  
Whenever, Wherever  
  
We're meant to be together  
  
I'll be there and you'll be near  
  
And that's the deal my dear  
  
Thereover, Hereunder  
  
You'll never have to wonder  
  
We can always play by ear  
  
But that's the deal my dear  
  
Le do le le le le, Le do le le le le  
  
Think out loud  
  
Say it again  
  
2 "See. SHE likes me to think out loud. Don't you Sara?"  
  
"It's Sharon, and they're just lyrics."  
  
Le do le le le le  
  
Tell me one more time  
  
That you'll live  
  
Lost in my eyes  
  
Whenever, Wherever  
  
We're meant to be together  
  
I'll be there and you'll be near  
  
And that's the deal my dear  
  
Thereover, Hereunder  
  
You've got me head over heels  
  
There's nothing left to fear  
  
If you really feel the way I feel  
  
Sirius, along with the rest of the senior male Hogwarts population were on their feet hooting and carrying on. Sirius all of a sudden jumped on his chair and started chanting "ENCORE, ENCORE, ENCORE, ENC….."  
  
Merloyn's hand slapped over his mouth.  
  
"Oh, I just love it when you put your hand on my mouth" Sirius mumbled.  
  
"Pervert,"  
  
Just then - to Sirius's relief - James coming over, hair ruffled.  
  
"Padfoot mate, we'd better show the Slytherins how to do a party song properly don't we. I've got Moony, and Jenna and Lily have agreed to do a little performance on their behalf. LET'S GO!" and with that he dragged a protesting Sirius away from a Merloyn with a now extremely pleased smile plastered on her face. 


	7. If Ya Gettin' Down

"Okay folks, I'm your new MC for the show, Brett Jordan, and know let's hear it for the Marauders and co. singing 'If Ya Getting Down'. Who wouldn't want to get down with them? Especially with the honorary Marauders Lily Evans and Jenna McNamara. Now you behave okay? The dedication reads: Slug-brains you can't sing if your life depended on it. THIS is how you sing a party song and leave it to the professionals," came the voice of the Gryffindor, which was followed by a curious look from Professor Dumbledore. "Okay, I changed it a tiny weeny li'l bit but the point still came through didn't it?" came the boy's explanation.  
  
There was a crash and then music started. Remus, Sirius and James walked on (Peter had a severe case of stage fright) all wearing black and blue tank tops (the manly ones) and matching cargos.  
  
ALL:  
  
If ya getting' down baby  
  
I want it now baby  
  
Come and get it on baby  
  
I want it now baby  
  
Cheers erupted from the hall and continued as the two girls walked in wearing tight, cheerleader outfits (minus the pompoms).  
  
LILY AND JENNA:  
  
If ya getting' down baby  
  
I want it now baby  
  
Move it all around baby  
  
I want it now baby  
  
"Pompous idiots."  
  
"Luscius, I don't see any pompoms. Where are the pompoms?"  
  
"Shut up Goyle. They think they're better than us we must plot revenge. Thous pompous id …"  
  
"WHERE ARE THE POMPOMS?!"  
  
  
  
JAMES:  
  
I wanna take a little time  
  
SIRIUS:  
  
To refresh your mind  
  
REMUS:  
  
Cos the Marauders are back in town  
  
1 "Town, that gives me an idea! We van ambush them at Hogsmeade"  
  
2 "I want pompoms!"  
  
"Goyle, you can pretend you're a bush a follow them around. Make sure they don't notice you. Then jump up and steal their lollies okay?"  
  
BOYS:  
  
With a different kind da funk  
  
GIRLS:  
  
Who's got the funk?  
  
BOYS:  
  
We got the funk  
  
Everyone in the hall (well, except teachers and Slytherins)  
  
"RIGHT!"  
  
REMUS:  
  
Everybody wanna party down tonight  
  
JENNA:  
  
Now throw your hands up in the sky  
  
Move 'em round from side to side  
  
"I can't believe they actually got Lily and Jenna to go up there.'  
  
"But you must admit, they're pretty good. Those outfits are hot!"  
  
LILY:  
  
I got what it takes  
  
The beats that brace the funky bass  
  
GIRLS:  
  
We'll give your body crazy shakes  
  
BOYS:  
  
C'mon!  
  
3 "And if they notice that the bush is you just run okay?"  
  
4 "But Luscius, shouldn't we have a plan B?"  
  
"Okay, but wait a bit. My brain's not THAT quick."  
  
"What's a plan B?"  
  
SIRIUS:  
  
I heard somebody say  
  
GIRLS:  
  
What?  
  
REMUS:  
  
She's at the party so  
  
GIRLS:  
  
Huh  
  
JAMES:  
  
I'm gonna get me some  
  
GIRLS:  
  
Uhhhhhhhhhhhh  
  
5 "Those girls are sooooo hot!"  
  
"Chang, snap out of it! You're drooling all over the floor!"  
  
BOYS:  
  
If ya getting' down baby  
  
I want it now baby  
  
Come and get it on baby  
  
I want it now baby  
  
6 "I got it!"  
  
"No, Luscious the snail got away,"  
  
"No, you pompous idiot. Plan B. We can all dress up like babies and when the take us in ….  
  
"WHERE. ARE. THE POMPOMS?!!!"  
  
GIRLS:  
  
If ya getting' down baby  
  
6.1 I want it now baby  
  
Move it all around baby  
  
I want it now baby  
  
SIRIUS:  
  
I heard somebody say  
  
GIRLS:  
  
What?  
  
REMUS:  
  
She's at the party so  
  
GIRLS:  
  
Huh  
  
JAMES:  
  
I'm gonna get me some  
  
Every non-Slytherin girl in Hogwarts  
  
"uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"  
  
GIRLS:  
  
There ain't no problem that we can't fix  
  
Cos we can do it in the mix  
  
BOYS:  
  
Now if your man gives you trouble  
  
We'll be there on the double  
  
Guaranteed we'll be hitting for six  
  
GIRLS:  
  
C'mon yeah!  
  
BOYS:  
  
If ya getting' down baby  
  
I want it now baby  
  
Come and get it on baby  
  
I want it now baby  
  
GIRLS:  
  
If ya getting' down baby  
  
I want it now baby  
  
Move it all around baby  
  
"God. If you let me spend just 1 night alone with anyone of those two; I promise I'll be good for the next 6 hours."  
  
I want it now baby  
  
The hall erupted with applause as the two girls did cartwheels down the stage stairs.  
  
"That. Was great!" exclaimed Jenna before kissing Remus's bright red cheek. "Thank you SO much for dragging me into it!"  
  
"It was mainly James's idea to have you two sing as well. Let's just be thankful that Sirius didn't get his hand on your costumes,"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I was gonna make them all into sparkly, gold bikinis," said the voice of the one and only Sirius Black.  
  
"Okay, Jenna. Can I ask you a question?" Remus said.  
  
Jenna, who was expecting something romantic, grinned from ear to ear and said, "Yes."  
  
"WHY THE HECK ARE MALFOY, CRABBE, GOYLE AND, OH. MY. GOD, SNAPE WEARING NAPPIES AND BONNETS?"  
  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………….  
  
Okay guys, thanks for all the reviews. I haven't posted for a while 'cause I was on a sailing trip and as most of you SHOULD know, there aren't any computers - let alone ones connected to the internet, on a catamaran. Sorry, I'm too lazy to give particular thankyous so thankyou all, reviewers. Especially the one that gave me the Shakira idea - sorry, forgot your name. Now, after contacting the DFA - Dolls for Reviewers Association there's three more imaginary dolls you can choose from once you've reviewed. A list of all of them is included:  
  
Malabo Narcissa  
  
Shirtless Sirius  
  
Speedos Remus  
  
Demented Malfoy and  
  
Nutcracker Lily  
  
P.S I'm so glad someone got the 69 joke!  
  
GTG - Gotta give Nigini her tap-dancing lessons. 


	8. Flight 505

"Er…" came Jenna's answer.

"Really," Sirius said. "And they said women had all the answers."

"We do!" Lily objected. "All logical ones anyway, but how the heck are we meant to explain why Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle are dressed up like a bunch of retarded infants?"

"Not that they're not normally like that," agreed James.

Their conversation was soon cut short but Brett Jordan's voice. "Okay folks, our first entry by Ravenclaw is a good old rock song called "Flight Number 505". And here they are. Scott Richards and Perry White… Oh yeah, I forgot. The dedication. It reads: In case you didn't know, this song is originally sung by The Rolling Stones. Are you sure you got that right, Scott? Isn't it meant to be The Rocking Pebbles? Well, anyway, trust the Ravenclaws to supply us with info, ey? Next thing you know they'll be telling us the year it was first releas…"

A loud "HURRY UP, JORDAN!" could be heard from the teacher's table.

"Yes, yes.. Professor McGonagall. Straight away! Scott Richards and Perry White!" 

Rock music began booming and the two blonde Ravenclaws walked out with their hair spiked wearing leather. 

**Scott:**

**Well, I was happy here at home**

**I got everything I need**

**Happy bein' on my own**

**Just living the life I lead**

_"Since when did Ravenclaws like rock?"_

_"Don't know but they're pretty good don't you think, Lily?"_

_"Yeah! They rock!"_

_"……"_

**Both:**

**Well, it suddenly dawned on me**

**That this was not my life**

**So I just phoned the airline girl**

**And said "Get me on flight number 505,**

**Get me on flight number 505"**

_"What's a flight?"_

_"Really, Sirius, you know NOTHING!"_

_"Okay, okay. Just calm down there. That's a good girl."_

_"I'm not a bloody dog!"_

_"That's very good, Merloyn. Now, sit down. Roll over. Play dead."_

_"SIRIUS ALEXANDER BLACK!"_

**Perry:**

**Well, I confirmed my reservation**

**Then I hopped in a cab**

**No idea of my destination**

**And feeling pretty bad**

_"Er…Remus?"_

_"Yes, Jenna?"_

_"I think we better go. Merloyn's about to explode."_

_"I guess she IS starting to resemble a tomato,"_

**Scott:**

**With my suitcase in my hand**

**In my head, my new life**

**So then I told the airline girl**

**"Well, get me on flight number 505,"**

**Alright**

_"Alright! Yeah! They are sooo good. Ravenclaws rule! The Rolling stones rule!"_

_"Lily, are you feeling okay?"_

**Perry:**

**Well, I sat right there in my seat**

**Well, feeling like a king**

**With the whole world at my feet**

**"Of course I'll have a drink"**

_"So, you get free drinks on these pair-o-trains?"_

_"Aeroplanes. And how did you know what they were?"_

_"Whatever. I was listening to you ramble. He's so cute, but he's so stupid. Really. An aeroplane. I'm a pureblood and I know that!"_

_"Shut up."_

_"Bite me."_

_"Where?"_

Both: Well, suddenly I say That we would never arrive 

**He put the plane down in the sea**

**Then end of flight number 505**

**The end of flight number 505**

**The end of flight number 505**

**Alright**

"Well, THAT was an unexpected finish,"  James said.

"Are Ravenclaws always that depressing?" Merloyn asked.

"Don't know," came James's reply.

"Hey, guys? Where's Moony and Jenna?" Sirius asked.

"I think the two lovebirds will survive. How 'bout we worry about more protruding problems?"  James suggested.

"Like?"

"Lily having gone mad and now marching up the stage stairs in leather!" James exclaimed.

"Well, there's only one thing we can do for her now," Merloyn sighed.

"Perform a stunning spell and shove her in a sack?" Sirius suggested enthusiastically.

"No, you idiot. Sit down and watch," Merloyn snapped.

The three friends sat down on the nearest seats. James with his head buried in his hands, Sirius starring intently at Lily's tight shirt and Merloyn having and internal argument about the best way to kill the annoying git, a.k.a Sirius Alexander Black,  sitting next to her.

****************************

Well, there we go. The contest hasn't been discontinued, I was just so wrapped up in TPIF that I forgot this fic existed! Sorry. And for those Luscius fans. ARE YOU MAD?!!! Nah. Don't worry, I won't make him gay. Though I won't promise no cross dressing,,,   I still need songs peoples! SONGS! There can't be a singing contest without any songs to sing. 

Well, lets wait and see what Lily does.

But for now, r/r

PLZ!!!!


	9. Can't Fight the Moonlight

"We're doomed!" Sirius exclaimed.

"No, actually, Lily's doomed," Merloyn corrected him.

"That's not my point. When Lily wakes up from her daze she's gonna go berserk and kill us all!" Sirius yelled the last part our so loud that over a quarter of the hall turned around to stare at them.

"What are you looking at?" he snarled.

The heads snapped back immediately. Sirius Black's temper was not to be messed with, though compared to Lily Evans's he was a fluffy pink bunny. 

"And for our next act we have the beautiful Lily Evans singing Can't Fight the Moonlight. Man, you do see tight shirts like that anym-"THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, JORDAN!" James interrupted.

"Err.. sorry, of course, James. Without any further ado, Lily Potte .. I mean, Evans singing Can't Fight the Moonlight!"

A cloud of smoke twirled around the stage as the music began to blare. Lily walked out from the middle of it all wearing tight leather pants and a sleeveless black top which was, as Brett Jordan had said, VERY tight.(Okay guys! And a one, and a two and a WHOO HOO!")

Wolf whistles and other such cacophony could be heard coming from the male population of the hall. Sirius decided to take matters into his own hands after seeing James's head return to it's original position in his hands and screamed on top of his lungs, "THEY'RE STILL GOING OUT YOU IDIOTS!" 

The people who knew Lily's boyfriend shut up straight away (James had a reputation of being EXTREMELY protective of his girlfriend) while the others just screamed back "WHO CARES! I COULD TAKE HIM ON ANYDAY!" Or things to that effect. Sirius screamed back that it was no other than James Potter and before the ignorant few could yell anything back those who knew of James's reputation had either pushed them into the ground or done other things to that effect to shut them up.

**Lily:**

**Under a lover's sky**

**Gonna be with you**

And no one's gonna be around 

**If you think that you won't fall**

**Well just wait until, 'till the sun goes down**

"You know that was one of the nicest things I've ever seen you do, Sirius" 

_"Oh, it's nothing really. Just sticking up for my friend,"_

_"I guess, but it was still really nice of you"_

_"When it comes to Lily, James gets real protective. I don't blame him or anything, I'd be like that too if I had someone as great as her"_

_"How 'bout someone as great as me?"_

_"Definitely! I mean, umm.. Did I hear the question right?"_

**Underneath the starlight, starlight**

**There's a magical feeling so right**

**It will steal your hear tonight**

_"Okay James, just calm down. Lily's doing perfectly find up there. See? Nothing to worry about.."_

_"James?"_

_"Er.. yes, Sarah?"_

_"See, I just found out that my boyfriend's a Death Eater and I'm feeling awfully lonely.."_

_"I'm already going out with Lily for Merlin's sakes!"_

_"Fine. Be that way! I don't need you anyway!"_

**You can try to resist**

**Try to hide from my kiss**

**But you know, but you know**

**That you, can't fight the moonlight**

_"Yeah, in more ways than one."_

_"Stop being so melodramatic, Remus."_

_"You weren't meant to hear that."_

_"Don't worry, I know."_

_"What! Who told you? Since when? Better yet, why aren't you running around screaming?"_

_"'Cause you're the sweetest, most loving guy I've ever met. No matter what you are."_

_"Really?"_

_"No, not really. I can't back that up… I was only joking, Remus!"_

**Deep in the dark**

**You'll surrender your heart**

**But you know, but you know**

**That you, can't fight the moonlight**

**No you can't fight it**

**It's gonna get to your heart**

_"……It's gonna get to  your heart"_

_"Merloyn. Gosh! You can sing!"_

_"So?"_

_"Why aren't you in the contest?"_

_"I've got nothing to sing"_

_"Well, we could sing something. Maybe a little love song, ey honey?"_

_"Sirius, you are sooo lucky all the chairs around here are full."_

**There's no escaping love**

**Once the gentle breeze**

**Weaves its spell upon your heart**

**No matter what you think**

**It won't be too long**

**'Till you're in my arms**

_"It'll all work out, James. See? Lily's doing perfectly fine. Just go for a little walk and it'll all be alright…"_

_"Hello, Potter?"_

_"Lily?!"_

_"No, I'm Goyle, you idiot."_

_"But you look lik-"_

_"GOYLE, YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO PRETEND YOU WERE LILY!"_

_"This day just gets weirder by the second."_

**Underneath the starlight, starlight**

**We'll be lost in the rhythm so right**

**It will steal your heart tonight**

"How did you find out?" 

_"Does it really matter? At least this way it saves you the trouble"_

_"Yeah, I guess. But still."_

_"Okay, you asked for it"_

_"For what?"_

_"Everyone! Remus is a wo - umph!"_

**You can try to resist**

**Try to hide from my kiss**

**But you know, but you know**

**That you, can't fight the moonlight**

_"Okay, okay! I'll sing. Just stop looking at me like that."_

_"Good."_

_"But if we're stuck singing a sappy love song it doesn't mean anything. Kapeesh?"_

_"'Cause it doesn't"_

_"That. Is. It! I'm really sorry, Gwen, but I'm gonna have to borrow that chair for a sec."_

_"No! Don't! Sirius promises to be a good li'l doggy as long as you don't hit him with THE FREAKIN' CHAIR!"_

**Deep in the dark**

**You'll surrender your heart**

**But you know, but you know**

**That you, can't fight the moonlight**

**No you can't fight it**

**No matter what you do**

**The night is gonna get to you**

_"Okay, Lily! I really need you now. Why the heck is that Sarah girl starring at me anyway?"_

_"I'm gonna get you Jamesey."_

_"Ahhhhh!"_

**Don't try 'cause you're never gonna win**

 A thunderous applause erupted from the hall as the final note of the song was sung. As Merloyn and Sirius stood up to prepare for their song they could see Jenna and Remus snogging on the ground in front of their former seats and James running into the hall like a raving lunatic. 

"Erm… how 'bout you go break up the lovebirds and I try to figure out what's wrong with James?"

"Good enough. And we'll meet back here?"

"Deal."

And with that the two went their separate ways, Merloyn going towards her engrossed friends and Sirius towards his slightly mental one.

~*~

"Umm….. guys. You might wanna break it up now," Merloyn said, looking uncomfortably at the two lovebirds.

"Huh? Oh, sorry. Jenna was about to tell everyone that I was a werewolf," Remus replied sheepishly.

"You're a what!?" she screamed.

"Didn't say it was true. And anyway, Remus, I was about to say 'Remus is a wonderful person' not 'Remus is a werewolf!'" Jenna covered up quickly, then grabbed Remus by the hand and sat  back on their seat."

"Erm…okay. I'll just leave you alone. Gotta get to Sirius anyway!"

"Looks like Padfoot's found himself a special someone," Moony sang to the running figure of his girlfriend's bestfriend.

~*~

"James, mate. What's wrong?" Sirius asked worriedly.

"Lily! I HAVE to talk to Lily!" he said, frantically searching the halls for any sign of his girlfriend.

"James, I'm here. What's wrong?" came her voice not long after.

James gave her a suspicious look for a minute.

"Phew! It's you!"

"Of course it's me you dolt!" and with that she gave him a smack over the head.

"What got into you anyway Lils?"

"Don't know. I just drank the cordial Sarah Letherman gave me a presto! I was -"

"SARAH LETHERMAN!" James yelled before pulling the other two into a corner. "She's been starring at me the whole time. She even came up and well, um. You know!"

"WHAT! The lying, scheming, back stabbing bi-"

"Watch your tongue, missy! I'M meant to be the one with the bad mout

"But still, the lying, scheming, back stabbing, slut!"

"Wait! That's just given me a great idea!" 


End file.
